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FDA Warns Americans To Take That Out Of Their Mouth This Instant

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SILVER SPRING, MD—Talking in a stern tone and wagging a finger, Meals and Drug Administration commissioner Robert Califf made an announcement Wednesday through which he warned People to take that out of their mouths this prompt. “That’s soiled, you’ll be able to’t have that—spit it out, I stated spit it out proper now!” stated Califf, who reportedly struggled to suppress the panic rising in his voice as he urged tight-lipped People to drop it instantly. “I’m warning you. You’re going to be sick in the event you eat that. You don’t know the place that’s been. Don’t make me depend to 3. One. Two. No! Don’t swallow! Don’t swallow!” At press time, Califf was heard exclaiming “Ah, fuck!” as People vomited throughout his fingers.

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