LAREDO, TX—In an effort to ensure he was getting the most for his money, Texas Gov. Greg Abbott reportedly filled the last open seats on his bus of migrants Friday with local Jews. “Eh, they’ll do,” said Abbott, who waved and watched as the chartered bus carrying Nicaraguan migrants, Venezuelan refugees, and U.S. citizens pulled out of the station. “We had seven empty seats on the bus, so I sent my team to knock on doors until they found a Jewish family. Might as well get a twofer. They’re Chicago’s problem now. I don’t know what they’ll do there, but they certainly don’t belong in Texas.” At press time, Abbott announced he had abandoned his plan to bus migrants out of state so resources could be focused exclusively on rounding up Jews.