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‘I Don’t Love You Anymore And I’m Taking The Kids’ Talk Goes Surprisingly Well

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AKRON, OH—Relieved by his measured and accepting reaction, local woman Megan Sjogren told reporters Friday that the “I don’t love you anymore and I’m taking the kids” talk she had with her husband went surprisingly well. “I was so nervous to look him in the eye and tell him, ‘I don’t love you anymore, and I haven’t loved you in a long, long time,’ but I don’t know what I was so worried about—he just smiled and nodded and said he totally got it, no big deal,” said Sjogren, who noted that her partner of 17 years with whom she shared two children even offered to load the bags into her car and give her some gas money for the drive to her sister’s house. “I had a whole list of talking points prepared about his drinking problem, his erratic behavior, and how our children deserved a better life. I even had one of my friends waiting outside in case things went wrong. But it turns out I didn’t need any of that at all. It’s funny, you can get so worked up about stuff, but at the end of the day, people are people. I’m just so glad I got that off my chest.” At press time, Sjogren’s husband had reportedly written her a check for half of their savings with the memo “Let me know if you need anything else.”

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