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Lies Men Will Tell To Get You To Sleep With Them

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Unfortunately, men are pigs who will say just about anything to trick you into sleeping with them. Here are lies you should definitely watch out for before going home with some random guy at a bar.

“I’m deploying to Vietnam tomorrow.”

“I’m deploying to Vietnam tomorrow.”

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Shocking holes in the American education system ensure at least some people don’t know this war ended almost 50 years ago.

“I’m the Sex Champion of North America.”

“I’m the Sex Champion of North America.”

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Oh, really? You’re THE Hector Riviera?

“I’m the pope.”

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The pope already travels with a coterie of beautiful men and women with whom he can sleep whenever he so chooses.

“I’m Nick Jonas.”

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That’s Kevin Jonas.

“I have one of those beds where you put a red wine glass on it and even if you jump on it, it won’t spill.”

“I have one of those beds where you put a red wine glass on it and even if you jump on it, it won’t spill.”

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Although they were compelling, no one has ever bought a bed from those old “As Seen on TV” ads.

“I’m aging backwards, and if you wait any longer, it will be illegal to have sex with me.”

“I’m aging backwards, and if you wait any longer, it will be illegal to have sex with me.”

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Technically, he’ll still be over 18 years old. Don’t believe a thing he says.

“I’m Radiohead.”

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While it might be tempting to sleep with celebrities, definitely check that he’s five guys and not one guy pretending to be an an iconic ​art-rock band.

“My bed is too light and will get blown away by the wind unless two people lay on it.”

“My bed is too light and will get blown away by the wind unless two people lay on it.”

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Unless his mattress is a thin sheet of construction paper, this is unlikely to be the case.

“​I saved you from the sea monster Cetus.”

“​I saved you from the sea monster Cetus.”

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If some dude tries this line on you, shut him up by demanding to see the magical sword he used, as well as proof that he used the same blade to slay Medusa.

“Sex with me is low-fat and full of antioxidants.”

“Sex with me is low-fat and full of antioxidants.”

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Men will often use buzzwords like this in their advertising to fool you into thinking sex with them is beneficial to your health.

“It’s our divine evolutionary responsibility to ensure the prosperity of our species.”

“It’s our divine evolutionary responsibility to ensure the prosperity of our species.”

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You might’ve picked the wrong cult to join.

“Of course I support the Council of Nicaea!”

“Of course I support the Council of Nicaea!”

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Only a heretic would say such things openly. Off with his head.

“I saw 9/11 happen from my house.”

“I saw 9/11 happen from my house.”

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Who exactly is he trying to impress here? 

“You can bring your own blanket if you’d like.”

“You can bring your own blanket if you’d like.”

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Sure, and the minute you pull out your blanket, he’s all like, “Let’s use my blanket instead.” Typical.

“I am former President Barack Obama.”

“I am former President Barack Obama.”

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Nobody actually believes in the old folk tale of President Barack Obama.

“I’m a real boy.”

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Sorry, this suitor is actually a wooden puppet brought to life by magic.

“My parents won’t be home till later.”

“My parents won’t be home till later.”

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They’re pulling into the driveway as we speak!

“I do.”

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The lengths to which men will go to get laid has no limits.

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