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Poll Finds Americans Would Endure At Least 150 Million Dead In Exchange For Cheaper Burrito Bowls

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WASHINGTON—In a finding that sheds light on the nationwide response to the ongoing inflation crisis, a Gallup poll released Tuesday revealed that Americans would endure at least 150 million dead in exchange for cheaper burrito bowls. “Yeah, it’s not a great outcome, but a lot of people die from stuff every day, so I’d accept it if that’s what’s needed to take, say, 20 cents off that extra scoop of guac,” said Dubuque, IA resident Jason Schreiner, 36, one of thousands of respondents who admitted they would be fine with nearly half of the country dying in the immediate future in return for a little bigger base of brown rice and a more generous handful of cheese in their bowls. “Nobody is saying they want to see the country’s streets filled with the corpses of Americans. But if we’re seriously talking about a $6 burrito bowl, I’d actually be okay with 200 million dead.” The poll also found that most Americans hoped none of their close family or friends would die to make the burrito bowls cheaper, but that if they did, they were sure they’d be okay with it given the state of the economy.

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