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Single Voice Emerges From Whirlwind Of Chaos In Man’s Head To Suggest He Eat Oatmeal Raisin Cookie


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WESTFORD, MA—Rising above the maelstrom of violence and disorder perpetually raging inside the man’s psyche, a single voice reportedly emerged Thursday from the chaotic whirlwind in the head of Brad Larrick, 33, to suggest he eat an oatmeal raisin cookie. “Go to your cupboard, open the package, and eat an oatmeal raisin cookie,” the firm, resonant voice said as it cut through the howling storm of unfinished thoughts, blunted sexual impulses, and harsh self-criticism continually roaring in Larrick’s mind to state that the cookie must be eaten immediately. “Just five more steps. You’re almost there. Yes. Now put it into your mouth and chew. Good. Very good.” At press time, sources confirmed the lone voice had overcome half-heard whispers advocating murder in order to suggest that perhaps a second cookie would be in order.

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