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What Americans Dread The Most About The Holidays


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“Always having to remember the names of the new cousins. There are always new cousins, they arrive in the thousands, hordes of ravenous new cousins trampling down our driveway and knocking down the door, tracking mounds of mud into the house, upsetting the table, gobbling up all the food in the house, slurping down the wet meat, drinking the water until the taps run dry, defecating fiercely in the house toilets until they are so clogged that human excrement leaks onto the floor, then vanishing without a trace, never to be seen again.”

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