Need a leg up in the bedroom? If you’re in a long-term relationship and your sex life needs a boost, or you simply like the idea of trying new things, talking dirty to your lover could be the secret.
Like they say, your mind is your most powerful sexual organ – and dirty talk can activate the erogenous zones of the brain: the hypothalamus and amygdala. So, the right words spoken at the right time can supercharge your sex drive and be a huge turn-on for all parties involved.
Having said that, if you’re shy or feel at all anxious, the idea of saying saucy things out loud might fill you with dread. But according to Silva Neves, an Accredited Psychosexual and Relationship Psychotherapist, articulating just what you want from your bae – and expressing how much you’re enjoying yourself – can inject serious passion into your sex life. So how do you get started?
10 Tips to Help You Talk Dirty
There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to talking dirty. What’s important is discovering the type of language and vocabulary that you and your partner find sexy. Try the following 10 tips out for size and see where the words take you…
1. Take it slow
Anxious about divulging your darkest fantasies right away? There is no rush, so move at a pace that feels comfortable to you. This could mean simply opening up the conversation with your partner to gauge their feelings on the subject or sending a text with a compliment about how hot they look. Anticipation can be incredibly sexy, so even thinking about what you’d like to say could be enough to get you in the mood.
2. Pick up the phone
Your phone can be a handy tool when it comes to dirty talk, especially if you’re feeling shy. Start by sending flirty texts and see where it takes you. Once your confidence has grown, go old school and pick up the phone. It’s much easier to talk dirty from a distance and whispering to each other from afar can be seriously sexy. To supercharge your phone sex voice, use your favourite sex toy while you’re on the call.
3. Ask questions
If you’re feeling tongue-tied, turn the mic around and try asking some probing questions. Start with: what turns you on? What would you like me to do to you? What is your favourite position? And see where it takes you. You can learn a lot about your lover and turn up the heat for you both simply by being curious.
4. Look for inspiration
Erotica and pornography are great sources of inspiration for dirty talk and can help you figure out what ticks your boxes. If you’re not ready to subscribe to PornHub, try a second viewing of Bridgerton for some simple but sexy one-liners.
5. Play a game
If you’d prefer to ease yourself into sexy chat, invite your lover over, open the wine and suggest a card game. This Talk Dirty Card Game is the perfect way to get the words flowing without giving you stage fright. Each card comes with a sexy phrase and instruction, so you’ll both be dirty talk pros within the hour.
6. Invest in sex toys
Sex toys can help with almost every sexual scenario, so try adding some gadgets into the mix. Open your laptop, head over to sex toy retailer Desir and ask your partner to help you choose what to buy together. Discussing your likes and dislikes over a shopping cart can be surprisingly sexy, and the anticipation of waiting for the post to arrive will work as great foreplay. We’ll take next day delivery please.
7. Set your love language
Certain aspects of dirty talk might go down better than others, so remain receptive but be honest about the type of pillow talk that you’d prefer to avoid. Some people get turned on by language like ‘slut’ or ‘dirty girl’, while others might find it offensive and a total turn-off.
Talking to your partner and getting to know their sensitivities and their values is important,’ says Silva. ‘Some people think that name-calling is unacceptable because of values or because they were name-called as a child.’ If you’d rather be called honey bunny or even your actual name, tell your partner! Honesty is always the best policy.
READ MORE: 11 Masturbation Tips For A Sh*t Hot Orgasm
8. Don’t take things too seriously
We all have enough to worry about without adding the stress of getting our sexy chat spot on every time. Relax and focus on saying what feels natural, so you can stay present and enjoy the moment. Chances are, your partner fancies the arse off you and would shag you even if you sang show tunes, so take the pressure off and have fun.
9. Keep it fresh
Creating your secret love language and finding the right phrases to use can be an important aspect of establishing trust and intimacy in a relationship. But after a while it can become predictable, so try mixing it up. ‘Dirty talk might have less erotic power over time, but you don’t need to change the theme,’ says Silva. ‘For example, if you get turned on by sexy names, simply change your pet name every once in a while.’
10. If all else fails…moan
In a survey carried out by Superdrug Online Doctor, 44% of participants said that hearing their other half moan in ecstasy turned them on the most because it ‘produces a physical and tangible representation of pleasure and offers a sign to someone’s partner that the interaction is enjoyable.’ Mmmmmm.
Dirty Talk Ideas to Get you Started
If you’re game for anything but need some hot tips, give some of the below sentences a go. Keeping the channels of communication flowing can be sexy in the moment, and also provide useful tips for future sex sessions.
- I can’t stop thinking about what you did to me the other night
- If we were alone right now, I’d be touching you already
- What do you want me to do to you later?
- What do you want to do to me?
- I can’t believe how wet you make me
- I want to know when you’re about to come
- Tell me how good that feels
- I’ve been waiting for this all day
- Fuck me harder
- Your fingers feel amazing inside of me
- I really liked it when you did this/that
- Was that good for you?
- What would you like me to do more of next time?
The Benefits of Dirty Talk
If our guide to dirty talk didn’t convince you to start whispering sweet nothings in the bedroom tonight, there are myriad plus points to talking dirty during sex that will have you hollering your partner’s name all night long.
1. Dirty talk can improve your bond with your partner
Talking dirty with a partner can help you better understand each other’s sexual preferences, making you both feel more comfortable and sexually satisfied. ‘It can help to shift the focus from being sexy, to doing sex,’ says Silva.
2. Dirty talk can be a confidence-booster
Receiving and giving verbal feedback on what feels good in bed can be great for everyone’s sexual confidence. ‘Talking dirty is sometimes associated with an erotic sense of self, meaning that people can connect with a part of themselves that enhances their sexual expression,’ says Silva. ‘So, calling a partner a particular sexy name or adjective might allow them to feel or behave more in-line with that part of themselves.’
3. Dirty talk can enhance your sexual experience
Openly sharing what you want from a sexual encounter with a partner can lead to positive experimentation. ‘Talking dirty can be linked to stories and fantasies, so a consensual demand to have something sexual done to you can enhance the power play,’ says Silva. This Light Bondage Surprise Gift Box for Couples will also help set the scene.
4. Dirty talk is good for those days when you CBA
Let’s be honest, sometimes you just aren’t up for physically getting down. On those days, talking dirty can be a good filler. ‘It can help with maintaining an erotic energy in the relationship, especially during times when people don’t feel sexual or when they’re not in the mood to get physical,’ says Silva.
5. Dirty talk is fun!
What better reason to experiment with talking dirty than a bit of well-deserved enjoyment? Throw this Sexy Surprise Gift Box for Couples into the mix to really get the party started.
*This article was originally published on Women’s Health UK